Nga Haki Whero e Tika Ana I Roto i te Whanaungatanga me Maarama koe

Toka Te Manawa

• Nga Haki Whero e Tika Ana I Te Whanaungatanga
• Kei te hiahia ratou kia uru mai koutou katoa ki a raatau ano.
• Te ahua nei kaore i te maumahara i nga maharatanga koa o to hononga me te tino arohanui.
• Kaore ratou e tiaki ia ratou ano i te wa e whai rawa ana ratou.
• Kua mutu taau pakanga.
• Kaore ratou e hiahia ki te korero.
• Kua mutu to taatai ​​- ana kaore koe i te korero.
• Ka korero tonu mo te iti o a raatau moni - engari he whakapau moni nui.
• He aha te mahi mena ka kite koe i te kara Whero i roto i tetahi hononga
• Arotake mo

Ahakoa kei roto koe i te whanautanga pihi, kua tino pumau ranei, ko o hoa pai, hoa tiaki me nga mema o te whanau, ka tere ki te karanga i nga "haki whero" a to boo. Ki a ratau kanohi, ko te kore whakaae o to fling hou ki te horoi i a raatau pepa neke atu i te wa kotahi i te marama, te uaua ranei o to hoa ki te pupuri mahi, he tohu noa pea me turaki nga mea katoa ka mutu te hononga, stat.

Engari ko nga whanonga e kiia ana he haki whero kia kaua e kiia he take ka wehea, e kii ana a Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T., he kaihaumanu hinengaro, whai raihana mo te marena me te rongoa whanau, me te tohunga ira tangata me te whanaungatanga. "Ko te haki whero ka waiho hei [tohu] he mea noa ake - kaore pea he haki whero ka rere ke koe i tetahi atu huarahi," hei ki tana. Inaa, he haki whero - ahakoa he raru i tenei wa - ka taea hoki te whai waahi ki te tipu ake, ta Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., he tohunga wahine i Toronto me te kaihautu o te Te moepuku me Takuta Jess podcast "Ka taea e koe te whakamahi hei whakamahi i te whakawhitiwhiti, te hononga, te whanaungatanga ranei," ko tana whakamarama. (Ko te FTR, ko nga whanonga kohukohu me nga ahuatanga he mea rereke, e kii ana a O'Reilly. Mena ka whakapono koe kei roto koe i tetahi hononga kino, ka kite ranei koe i nga tohu whakatupato noa - penei i to hoa ki te aukati i a koe ki te whakatau i au ake whakatau, te whakahaere i nga moni katoa me te kore te matapaki, te whakawehi i a koe, te pehi ranei i a koe ki te moe ira tangata, ki te whakamahi raau taero, ki te inu waipiro ranei — whakapaa atu ki te National Domestic Violence Hotline mo te awhina.)

He aha atu, he rereke te whakaaro o te katoa mo te tohu haki whero i roto i te whanaungatanga, e ai ki a Wright. Hei tauira, he rereke pea te whakaaro o te tangata takitahi mo te haki whero i te tangata he polyamorous, ka whakamarama ia. "Kare ratou i te ao, a kaore he aha mena ka whakaaro tetahi atu he haki whero mena ka pai ki a koe."

Heoi ano, tera ano etahi haki whero whanui tera pea he take mo te maaharahara, he take ranei ki te arotake ano i to whanaungatanga - kaua ko te ahua o nga korero pakiwaitara e waiatatia ana e Taylor Swift. E rua a Wright me O'Reilly e mohio ana ka kite koe i nga haki whero i roto i nga momo hononga, tae atu ki nga hoa, mema o te whanau, hoa mahi, me te maha atu. I konei, ka tohaina e Wright me O'Reilly nga haki whero i roto i te whanaungatanga (ko te mea tuatahi he mea aroha) akene he pai ki te tiro, me te mea nui, me aha mena ka kite koe i tetahi o raatau. Pūwera: Kaua e maka wawe ki te tauera. (Hono: Me pehea te mahi ki te Hoahoa Kotahi te Taha)

Nga Haki Whero e Tika Ana I Te Whanaungatanga

Kei te hiahia ratou kia uru mai koutou katoa ki a raatau ano.

Mena he tino arohaehae to hoa ki o hoa me to whanau, ka ngana ki te tarai i tetahi poro i waenga i a koe me o hoa tata, ki te tarai ranei i a koe mai i to hapori, ko a ratau whanonga pea te mea e awangawanga ana, e kii ana a O'Reilly. "Akene kei te kii ratou he nui te aroha ki a koe me te tarai ki te tiaki i a koe, [me te] kii pea he pai rawa koe mo tetahi atu," taapiri ia. "Kia maumahara ki tetahi hoa whakahaere pea e whakaaro ana ki a ratau nganatanga ki te wehenga atu i a koe e kiia nei ko te aroha." Ko enei mahi wehe ke hei haki whero nui i roto i te whanaungatanga, na te mea ka hipa atu i nga whanonga kino pea i te huarahi, penei i te whakahaere i nga mahi a to hoa, e kite ana, e korero ana hoki, ki hea raua e haere ana - me te whakamahi i te hae kia tika ai te katoa. . Ko enei tikanga katoa ka taea e te hoa mahi kino ki te pupuri i o raatau hunga kua pa ki te whanaungatanga, e ai ki te National Domestic Violence Hotline. (BTW, kotahi noa te tohu kei roto koe i te whanaungatanga paitini.)

Te ahua nei kaore i te maumahara i nga maharatanga koa o to hononga me te tino arohanui.

Ka hoki mahara to hoa ki tetahi wa koa ka taea te tango tika mai i te rom-com, i te ra harikoa ranei penei i to marena, kei te maumahara ma te aroha, te pouri, te pouri ranei? Mena ko aua maumahara koa i mua kua poke mo ratau, akene he kara whero kaare he mea e tino tika ana i roto i te hononga. Ko to parapara kia tere te whakamutu, ina koa kua kore te ngakau o to SO i roto, engari ko te tuatahi, "kei te pirangi koe ki te korero mo to ahua i roto i te whanaungatanga," e kii ana a O' Reilly. "Ehara i te mea kua mate te hononga, engari akene he huarahi hou [ara ko te whakaora a te tokorua]."

Kaore ratou e tiaki ia ratou ano i te wa e whai rawa ana ratou.

Ko tenei haki whero pea kei roto i te whanaungatanga hei tohu ki to S.O. kaore e aro ki a raatau ano, e kii ana a Wright. "A koinei tetahi mea ka puta ake i muri mai hei kaupapa whakaaro me te take whanaungatanga." Ko te whakatau a to boo ki te peke i nga waahi o te taote, ki te kore ranei e parai i o ratou niho ia po, ka tohu pea kaore ratou e aro nui ki to hauora penei i a koe — mena kaare he mea e pai ana koe ki te korerorero maru me te whakaae (ki te whakaae ranei), ka raru pea to hoa ki te raina. I te taha o te taha, ko te kore o akuakuaku tohu he tohu kei te raru ratou ki te hinengaro. nga take hauora, penei i te pouri, e ai ki te National Alliance on Mental Illness of Kenosha County. Whakamaoritanga: Ko te mea e kiia nei ko te haki whero ehara pea i te mea me wehe koe, engari me timata he korero pono ki a raatau mo nga raru whaiaro ka pa ki a raatau. (E Pa ana: Taria, Kei te Ngahuru nga Ngaro Kowhaa me te Ngaru Kape na te Kihi ?!)

Kua mutu taau pakanga.

Ko te ahua o te kore e taupatupatu he a pai he mea (a, i etahi wa, ka taea pea), engari ko te karo i nga tautohetohe na te mea kua mutu koe ki te korero mo nga take nui he haki whero i roto i te whanaungatanga, e ai ki a O'Reilly. Hei whakatau mena ko to kore tautohetohe tetahi waahanga nui atu o te raru, ka kii a O'Reilly ki te paatai ​​i a koe ano ki enei patai:

• Kei te karo koe i te korero mo nga take nui me te tuku kia pupuhi, kei te kohi noa ranei koe i o pakanga me te tuku i nga mea iti kia paheke?
• Kua mutu koe ki te whakauru na te mea kua kore koe e aro atu, kua whakaae noa ranei koe kaore e taea e koe te whakatau i nga take katoa?
• Kua mutu taau korero mo nga take wera na te mea ki a koe kaore to hoa aroha e whakarongo, kaore ranei e aro ki to tirohanga?

Kia mahara noa, "he mea nui te horopaki, na reira karekau nga haki whero i te ao katoa," ka tapiritia e ia. Hei tauira, mena ka piripono koe me to hoa mo te wiki tika mo te huarahi "pai" ki te uta i te miihini horoi rihi engari kaore i taea te whakatau i te take, ka taka te kore tautohe, kia ahei ratau ki te whakarite i nga pereti paru ki ta raatau e hiahia ana, kia aro ke mo nga mea e tino nui ana (hei tauira, ko o moni, o maatauranga, me era atu) he mea pai.

Kaore ratou e hiahia ki te korero.

Mena kaore koe e whakaae kia pahekeheke ka pupuhi ana to BFF ka kore e aro ki o tuhinga mo nga ra kua roa, he aha koe ka aro atu ai ki to hononga aroha? "Mena he mea nui kia whai hononga koe ki tetahi ka taea te korero ki a koe, engari kei te kati me te kore e korero, kaati he kara whero tera," e kii ana a Wright.

Whakamaumahara: Ahakoa te mohio o to hoa, kaore e taea e koe te panui i o raatau hinengaro, me te kore korero pono me te pono mo nga hiahia, hiahia, me nga tumanakohanga, ko nga pohehe kino me nga tautohetohe kei te kaha haere. Ano hoki, ko te koretake o te korerorero te take i tino whaiwhai ai nga tokorua ki te whakamaimoa me te kii he kino te paanga ki te hononga, e ai ki te rangahau i whakaputaina i roto i te Pukapuka mo te marena me te whanau.

Kua mutu to taatai ​​- ana kaore koe i te korero.

Ko nga mea tuatahi, he pai ki te waiho kia okioki a raatau mahi i waenga i nga pepa, e kii ana a O'Reilly. "E harikoa ana etahi ki te okioki, engari ki etahi, he raruraru, he totohe," hei whakamarama ia. Mēnā ka taka kōrua ko tō hoa ki roto i te rōpū o muri, ā, kei te kii kōrua he NBD, ka puta te riri i tēnei wā, ka puta te raru, penei i te kore e kaha ki te whawhai hauora. (Whakamahia enei tohutohu ki te korero ki to hoa mo te hiahia kia nui ake te taangata.)

Ka korero tonu mo te iti o a raatau moni - engari he whakapau moni nui.

Ko tenei haki whero pea i roto i te whanaungatanga ka wehe katoa i waenga i nga korero a to hoa me a raatau ahuatanga. Engari i te wa tuatahi ka kite koe, he mea nui ki te tiro i a raatau mahi me te ngakau aroha, e kii ana a Wright. "Akene kei te whakama te tangata," e kii ana ia. "Tena pea i utua e ratou he pire hauora nui noa atu, a, kei te noho whakararu ratou i tenei wa, kaore matou i te mohio he aha nga mahi, no reira ko te haki whero ki ahau he powhiri ki te korerorero, ehara i te take oma. " Mena kei a koe taua kohinga me te mohio kaore he whakaaro o to hoa ki te whakahaere tahua ana kaore koe e whakaaro ki te whai i nga huarahi hei whakapai ake i a raatau moni whakapau moni, katahi ka mohio koe ehara te hononga i te mea maau, hei taana ano.

He aha te mahi mena ka kite koe i te kara Whero i roto i tetahi hononga

Mena kaore ano kia kotia e koe, kaua e tika kia puta i te tatau i te tuarua ka kitea he haki whero i to hononga. Tuatahi, patai ki a koe kei te pehea koe e whakaaro ana: "He pehea o whakaaro mo o raatau whanonga? He aha te mea e hiahia ana koe? He mea nui ki a koe tenei take? He aha i whai take ai?" ta O'Reilly.

Ana, ki te pai koe ki te haumaru me te whakamarie ki te pera, ata kawe atu ki to hoa i runga i te tikanga he atawhai, he atawhai, he pākiki hoki - kaua e tautohetia, e kii ana a Wright. Hei tauira, kaua e tino kaha ki te kii, "Kaore koe e paraihu i o niho i te po, ka raru ahau," ka kii a Wright, "Kei te mataku ahau mo te kore koe e parai i ou niho i te nuinga o nga po, he aha te tikanga o tena ki ahau. ko te kore koe e whakaaro ki a koe ano, a ka hiahia ahau ki te whai korero mo taua mea. Ka tuwhera koe ki tera?'" (Panui ano hoki: 6 Tohutohu mo te Whakawhanaungatanga (me te iti ake te mamae)

"Kia pono ki o kare ngoikore - penei i te wehi, te ahuru, te pouri," tāpiri a O'Reilly. "Ka taea te whakatika i nga hononga i roto i nga keehi maha, engari ki te huna koe i ou kare pono (hei tauira, unuhia kia kore e ngoikore koe), ka kaha ake to raruraru." Me penei te whakaaro: Ki te kore koe e tuku kia mohio to hoa ki te ahua o te kore korero, me te aha i penei ai, kare pea koe e noho kotahi mo te taumahatanga o te take — na reira Ka raru koe ki te whakatau.

Mai i reira, ka taea e korua te whakatau mena ko te haki whero tetahi mea ka taea e koe te wikitoria me te whakahaere ngatahi mena he tohu ranei me arotake ano e koe to hononga. A, ki te kore tonu koe e tino mohio, whakaaroa te toro atu ki tetahi kaiawhina ngaio, kaitukino ranei hei awhina i a koe ki te whakatika i nga take, e ai ki a O'Reilly. Ahakoa te take, kia mohio koe ehara enei korero i te ngawari - engari ka pai. "Ka kore pea e manawareka, ana ko te awangawanga ehara i te kino," e kii ana a Wright. "Koinei te tipu. Ka tipu noa tatou i te wa e kore e pai.

Arotake mo